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A policeman’s job is never easy, but dumb criminals make it somewhat
easier. This list was whittled down from a much longer list of stories of
the stupid things lawbreakers did this past year. These are in chronological
order instead of rank. The dates are from the news stories; in some cases
the crime itself happened earlier. Most of the links have accompanying
video.
1. Lottery Thief Sets Himself on Fire
 ROME,
GA June 2
A convenience-store thief got away, but the video from the security camera
told a strange, strange tale. A man broke into the store overnight, and
tried to cover his tracks by burning the place down. He threw charcoal
lighter fluid around, but by the time he ignited it, the fumes had permeated
the store, and he set
himself on fire. While in flames, he grabbed a roll of lottery tickets
and fled. At the time of the story, police were looking for a man with
facial, neck, and possibly wrist burns.
2. Ten Hours Stuck in Restaurant Vent
 HILLSBOROUGH
COUNTY, FL June 8
An employee of the Lucky Buffet noticed a strange sight on arriving at the
restaurant. There were legs
hanging out of a vent over the grill! 45-year-old Billy Jordan had tried
to enter the restaurant the night before by climbing through the ductwork,
but became stuck and stayed there for ten hours. Hillsborough County Fire
Rescue workers used a rope to pull Jordan back out through the roof, after
which he was arrested for burglary.
3. Immovable ATM
MILWAUKEE, WI July 27
Three men backed a stolen vehicle through the glass front of a gas station.
Their intent was to steal an ATM. But they didn’t realize that ATMs
are bolted to the floor. After some thought, they tied a rope around the
machine and attched it to the vehicle, but still could not dislodge it. They
left empty-handed. The ATM was still in working order the next day.
4. The Famous Duct Tape Bandit
ASHLAND, KY August 13
Police say Kasey Kazee entered Shamrock Liquors and attempted to rob the
store. Employees were astonished that he had disguised
his face by wrapping it in duct tape! The store manager chased him out
with a baseball bat and an employee held him in the parking lot until police
arrived. Police removed the duct tape after taking pictures, and arrested
Kazee, who denied any memory of the incident.
See a video
report here.
5. The Sign of the Crime
ADLINGTON, ENGLAND September 6
Peter Addison and his friend Mark Ridgeway vandalized the Toc H centre, a
children’s campsite building. They smashed crockery, set off fire
extinguishers, and drew
grafitti on the walls. Part of the grafitti said “Peter Addison was
here.” Police found Addison through a computer database. Both teenagers
pled guilty and were ordered to pay for the damage.
Inspector Gareth Woods, of Cheshire Police, said: “This crime is
up there with the dumbest of all in the criminal league table.
“There are some pretty stupid criminals around, but to leave your own
name at the scene of the crime takes the biscuit.”
6. He Didn’t See the Cop
LITTLE ROCK, AR September 7
21-year-old Langston Robins walked right past a
uniformed police officer at the Metropolitan Bank and handed a robbery
note to the teller. The unarmed would-be robber was arrested after a foot
pursuit. Little Rock police spokesman Lt. Terry Hastings said:
“I just don’t know why he didn’t see a uniformed police
officer standing basically right in front of him,” Hastings tells the
Associated Press. “My guess is he’s just not the brightest of
people.”
7. He Stole a Car to Turn Himself In
 GENEVA,
NY September 13
29-year-old Vincent Estrada Junior was pulled over because the car he was
driving had been stolen from a parking lot. Estrada explained that he
had stolen the car in order to drive to the Geneva City Police
Department and turn himself in on a family court warrant! He didn’t make
his destination, as police took him to the Ontario County Jail instead,
where he was held on car theft charges.
(image credit: Ontario County Sheriff’s Office)
8. Burglar Falls Asleep Under Victim’s Bed
 WHITLEY
BAY, England September 17
Usually, the burglar robs the house while the victim is asleep, but in this
story, the roles were reversed. 24-year-old Mark Smith sneaked into Heather
Stephenson’s home, crept past her while she was ironing, and rifled
through her belongings in the bedroom. Then he fell
asleep under her bed. Mrs. Stephenson couldn’t wake him, and police
officers had to drag him out from under the bed. Smith’s vodka and valium
consumption were to blame. He received an 18-month sentence for burglary.
9. Cash My Million-Dollar Bill!
 PITTSBURGH,
PA November 9
A man flew into a rage at the Giant Eagle supermarket when employees refused
to cash a million-dollar bill. 66-year-old Samuel Porter slammed an
electronic machine on the counter and refused to give his name to
authorities. He was then taken to the Allegheny County Jail. The largest
bill currently in circulation is the $100 dollar bill.
Bonus: It
happened again soon afterwards in Georgia!
(image credit: AP)
10. Carjacking at a Crime Scene
RALEIGH, NC December 11
There had been a stabbing, and police were on the scene talking to a woman
who had been a witness to the crime. 38-year-old Anthony William jumped into
the woman’s car and drove away! He was arrested the next day, easily
identified by the cops who saw
him steal the car.
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