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"President Bush
unveiled his new economic stimulus plan this week. It was reported that
if the plan passes the president himself would save $44,000 in taxes,
Dick Cheney would save $327,000, and you could afford to take the whole
family down to Burger King to pick up job applications." —Tina Fey, on
Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"President Bush is
asking Congress for $80 billion dollars to re-build Iraq. And when you
make out that check, remember there are two L's in Halliburton." —David
Letterman
"President Bush
was munching on some pretzels when he choked and fainted. All this time
we were worrying about Osama bin Laden, turns out he was almost done-in
by Mr. Salty." —Jay Leno
"A
Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would
beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called
Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace." —Jay Leno
"The economy
is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President Bush said the
economy was still getting over the hangover from the '90s. And then, the
president admitted he was still getting over his hangover from the
'80s." —Conan O'Brien
The Bush
Administration said there will be a delay in restoring a newly elected
democratic government in Iraq. However, they said the delay will not be
as long as the one we have had in this country." —Jay Leno
"Democrats were
quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion
dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over
there, it's Saddam Hussein.'" —Craig Kilborn
"The FBI has
issued a new terrorist warning that al Qadea may be planning a
spectacular attack intended to damage our economy. Well I have news for
them, they are a little too late. This is where President Bush is smart.
Two years ago he did a pre-emptive strike to make sure our economy
couldn't be any worse than it is right now." —Jay Leno
"President
Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich
person you're working for better off now than they were four years
ago?'" —Jay Leno
"Yesterday,
the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing.
Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain." —Jon
Stewart
"Bush
advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the
president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up
will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to
go." —Jon Stewart
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