"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which." –Dennis Miller

 "In response to the escalating violence in Iraq, President Bush is delaying the return home of 25,000 troops and will actually add reinforcements to the south. Then in a symbolic gesture he pulled down the mission accomplished banner, put on a flight suit, walked backwards to a jet fighter and flew it in reverse off an aircraft carrier." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update

"The Justice Department launched an investigation into who in the White House leaked classified info to the press. The big question is, 'What did President Bush not know and when did he not know it?'" —Craig Kilborn

"Last night, in a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have." —Conan O'Brien

"On Thursday in California, President Bush met privately with Governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger. What did the pair talk about? Neither is sure." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Bush bragged that more Iraqis say their country is on the right track than Americans say our country is on the right track. Boy, there’s a campaign slogan for you — 'America: More F*cked Up Than Fallujah!'" —Bill Maher

"President Bush said that the people who are attacking our forces in Iraq are getting more and more desperate because we’re making so much progress. So just remember, the worse it gets, the better it is." —Jay Leno

"They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard." —Bill Maher

"George W. Bush surrounds himself with smart people the way a hole surrounds itself with a donut." —Dennis Miller

"It was a big, huge, powerful win for the Republicans, and now they're saying that the Democrats could not articulate a message. You know you're in trouble when you are out-articulated by President Bush." —David Letterman, on the 2002 midterm elections

"President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration." —David Letterman

"President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration." —David Letterman

"In a speech Thursday, President Bush urged Middle Eastern countries to modernize, saying 'modernization is not the same as Westernization.' And then, mentally exhausted, he collapsed into a chair." —Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"In response to a request by the 9/11 commission the White House agreed to declassify the president's daily intelligence briefing from August 6th titled 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.' The commission also wants to see the August 20th briefing, 'No Seriously Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States' and also from August 26th, 'Mr. President, Please Put Down the Game Boy, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.'" —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

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